Today, you (the reader) are going to have to wait for a bit. I'm sorry, but I simply MUST give the universe a piece of my mind:
Universe? Yeah, I'm sorry, but WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND FLASHBANG WHEN I WASN'T THERE TO SEE IT!?
There, back to you, reader! Today I'm going to tell you about the Big Bang, with the help of the Universe itself!  Go ahead, Universe!
Universe: It started 14.5 million years ago.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was just a little singularity.
Me:  Yeah, just a little ball that contained all the elements that would make up the universe as we know it.  And it was hot, real hot.  In fact, it was scorching!
Universe:  It was just 10,000 million million million degrees.
Me: True, but we weren't there to feel it!  Good thing!
Universe: The planets-
Me:  STOP CUTTING IN! Sheesh, can I talk at all? 
Universe: Ummm . . . .no.
Me: You know, Universe, if you could have cooled down a bit back then, maybe I could have seen more about space.
Universe:  I did cool down. It just took a while. 
Me:  And good thing you did.  That's when the stars and galaxies began to form.
Universe:  And now I'm as cool as a cucumber.
Me: Yeah, sure. You're still red-hot.  10,000 million million million degrees don't just cool down overnight.
Universe:  I just wish I could finally stop expanding.
Me:  You can't stop expanding or we'll all be crushed.  And then, I'd be really "crushed."  Get it, Universe.  That's funny.
Universe:  Ha.  Ha.